How dear is my absence from you going to cost me? How tedious will the hours seem?
This signifies precicely, "If I was always with you, my stock of fine speeches would be soon exhausted: I should have nothing new to say to you: when I see you again, you will like me the better."
Some rhyming fools are fond of the occasion of complaining, in lamentable verse, of the tortures they suffer by absence; which is, however, only a handle of shewing their wit, at the grievous expence of truth and reason, which they martyrize in the stale, trite hyperboles of hours being months, months years, and years whole ages, in their kalendar: of their being kept alive only by the hopes of feeling what they love again. These strains are proof of the real absence of common sense.
Variant spelling:
rhyming | rhiming
A Dictionary of Love (1787)
This term is often used in protestations, and generally tacked to a negative. No! I will never abuse your goodness. Or without the negation, in a more emphatic strain: I ever abuse your goodness! Heavens forbid! All this signifies, purely and simply, since you will have promises and protestations, to bring you to my ends, there they are for you.
Sometimes it is used in the following case, with great art and delicacy. Thus, when a lady grants a slight favor, as a kiss of her hand, perhaps even of her mouth, and the lover, who his never to be satisfied, proceeds on such encouragement to liberties that put decency in danger; the lady, naturally alarmed, chides the encroacher. I am too good-natured—I own, replies the sly lover, I abuse your good-nature; but, with so much love as I have, ’tis impossible to have discretion. This confession, that be abuses her goodness, carries with it such an air of candour, that it is hard not to forgive him.
Modified text:
This confession, that he abuses her goodness, carries with it such an air of
candour, that she hardly knows how to condemn him.
A Dictionary of Love (1777)
A Dictionary of Love (1795)
Added text:
Thus, when a lady grants a slight favor, as a kiss of her hand, perhaps even of her mouth,
and the lover, ∗who is never to be satisfied, proceeds on such encouragement to
liberties that put decency in danger… (∗Girls! be sure however, that
you keep such a fellow as this at a distance.)
A Dictionary of Love (1777)
A Dictionary of Love (1795)
Is a common term in the love-cant, but begins to be somewhat obsolete, from its being hackneyed out.
Chambermaids, milliners and sempstresses are very fond of adorers: and who can resist such an humble, pathetic strain as See at your feet your poor adorer dies?
This sacred word is adopted into the love-language, and proves two things.
First, That the men are perfectly knowing, and acquainted with the vanity of women, who are apt to take themselves for little goddesses, or at least divine creatures.
The Second, That they are not sparing for any expressions they thing may make them lose the small share of sense their vanity may have left them.
I love: love did I say? I adore you! The true meaning of which fine speech is, “The secret of pleasing consists in flattering your self-love, at the expence of your understanding. I am straining hard to persuade you, that you have distracted my brain; not that it is so in the least; but, whilst I laugh at you in my sleeve, for your swallowing this stuff, I may gain wherewith to laugh at you in good earnest.”
Omitted text:
To Adore
A Dictionary of Love (1777)
A Dictionary of Love (1795)
Added text:
“…but, whilst I laugh at you in my sleeve, for you swallowing this
stuff, I may gain wherewith to laugh at you in good earnest.∗”
(∗A truth worth remembering.)
A Dictionary of Love (1777)
A Dictionary of Love (1795)
To whom do you think you are addressing yourself?
This phrase severely pronounced, may be employed by a lady to dash, or disconcert her lover, to inspire him with respect, or check his forwardness. It is as much to say,
“Let us see whether you are a novice or not? Whether you have duly taken your degrees of assurance? or whether you are not in your horn-book of gallantry?”
You address yourself to the wrong person, I assure you.
This little affectation means at bottom, that one is not sorry to have a lover, but that it is necessary to put on an air of dignity; to remind him of one's value; to give the spurs, whilst one reins in the bridle.
However, these finesses of love-rhetoric over-awe none but the fresh-water adventurers: and that terrible expression, To whom do you think you are addressing yourself? is oftener a trap for a compliment, than a denotation of anger.
Omitted text:
To Address
A Dictionary of Love (1777)
A Dictionary of Love (1795)
Added text:
To whom do you think you are adressing yourself? is oftener a trap for a
compliment, than a denotation of anger∗. (∗ A proper hint to all
prudes!)
A Dictionary of Love (1777)
A Dictionary of Love (1795)
When these are made on the woman's side, they either suppose an excessive superiority, or an excessive love.
A woman who has made advances, never remembers them without rage, unless she has reason to remember them with pleasure.
Added text:
When these are made on the woman's side, they either suppose an excessive superiority, or
an excessive love. Neither very modest
A Dictionary of Love (1777)
Added text:
A woman who has made advances, never remembers them without rage, unless she has reason to
remember them with pleasure. It is the man's part to make the first advance.
A Dictionary of Love (1777)
A Dictionary of Love (1795)
Adventures in gallantry being to lose much of their relish, by the want of their former seasoning, fears and dangers. Assignations are now so easily made, that a man must know little of the world, who thinks there is any need of a masquerade to make them at. It is just as insignificant, and as much out of use, as rope-ladders or long cloaks.
By these words is commonly understood the effect upon our mind of some disagreeable object. It is only in the mouth, or letters of a lover, that they have little or no meaning.
Omitted text:
Afflict
A Dictionary of Love (1795)
When relative to years, is a term very seldom employed in love: for to talk of age to a young person is no part of praise. It is a cruel offence to a woman anything advanced in years; and even a middle-aged woman takes no delight in those chronological discussions.
It happens indeed sometimes (but very rarely indeed) that an antient coquette will venture to pronounce the word age; but then it is only to make a particular merit of it to herself. How can you like a person of my age? This is far from meaning, “I am too old; I know it; and am persuaded I have not the charms to captivate a young man.” What she would be at is to tell you, “If I have not all the bloom of youth, neither have I its failings: mellow fruit is not so ill-tasted.” Upon which, the cue of him who has his reasons for courting her, is to answer, “At your age! madam; at your age! you are but too charming! Where, without flattery, shall one see a nobler air, a fresher complexion; and then so much fine sense!” with a thousand other impertinences in support of an evident falsity.
The cruelty of Age is, to destroy beauty, at the same time that it leaves every desire standing, of which that beauty alone could procure the satisfaction.
The word age may also be employed to oblige a lady with a critical observation on the age of her rivals in beauty. See Mrs. Fillamott, in her rose-coloured gown, or pink ribbons; can it become one of her age to lay schemes for smiting?
AGE, in the love-measure of time, applied to absence or impatience, is often employed to signify a moment: but moments are ages, to a lover with his mistress, in a very different sense, before, or after enjoyment.
Modified text:
…for to talk of age to a young person is disgust. It is
cruel offence to a woman already advanced in years;
A Dictionary of Love (1777)
A Dictionary of Love (1795)
Added text:
… with a thousand other impertiences, in support of an evident
falsity∗ (∗ False indeed!)
A Dictionary of Love (1777)
Omitted text:
The word age may also be employed to oblige a lady with a critical observation on the age of her rivals in beauty. See Mrs. Fillamott, in her rose-coloured gown, or pink ribbons; can it become one of her age to lay schemes for smiting?
AGE, in the love-measure of time, applied to absence or impatience, is often employed to signify a moment: but moments are ages, to a lover with his mistress, in a very different sense, before, or after enjoyment.Sentiments excited by the sight or conversation of a person one loves. There are amorous, anxious, pleasing, timid agitations, which have all their different expressions, by looks, sighs, blushes, &c. but few are more significant than that of the fan, masterly managed.
A term often used for a modest cover of one's real sentiments, to a very ordinary woman, with too much sense not to suspect the sincerity of one, who should pretend to assure her seriously that he thought her handsome. Thus the saying, “Madam, I see no-body so agreeable as you,” means, “Since I have gone so far as to tell you that I loved you, I must look out for some reason to assign for it: Now, the quality of agreeable being one of those ideas of caprice purely arbitrary, a je-ne-sçai-quoi, that admits of no dangerous definition, it may serve till I have gathered impudence enough, or you are grown silly enough, for me to tell you you are handsome.”
Is one of those poetical words often employed, especially in sonnets, madrigals, odes, and the like productions of the small workers in poetry, where it chimes to charms, or arms; as strife to wife, pleasure to treasure, and other the like station'd rhimes. It seems to express the state of a heart agitated by desires and fears: but now, when one says, I feel the tenderest alarms; it only means, “You have doubtless heard it said, that love is never without anxious desire, founded upon an old-fashioned maxim, that this passion is a state of torment and disquietude, and very apt to take alarms at a shadow: you would then dislike too tranquil a lover; and since you must have find words to please you, what can be finer than these: I feel the tenderest alarms.” And no doubt the nymph must be very ill-natured if she does not employ herself instantly to calm them.
Formerly denoted a person, whose beauty and merit captivated all hearts. It is now in very common use, and applied, indifferently, to all whom we take for the objects of our fancy, vanity, or fulsome, maukish flattery.
Omitted text:
…to all whom we take for the objects of our fancy, vanity, or fulsome,
maukish flattery.
A Dictionary of Love (1777)
A Dictionary of Love (1795)
A term which means one constitutionally inclined to gallantry; a character that used formerly to be expressed by a much coarser word, which is now entirely exploded; whilst the character itself subsists in its full force.
Love, Passion, are often terms used to cover what is no more than amusement. It is generally only used by way of confidence to intimate friends: as, I court such an one: I visit her: she is an amusement for me.
Is a symptom inseparable from the love-sick.
“I am under a mortal anxiety,” is a phrase, of course, with which one seeks to give a pretended passion all the colours of truth: for a real one never goes without it.
The loyal subjects to the empire of love every pay their tribute of anxiety. Sometimes it consists in the fear of not triumphing openly over a rival; sometimes in the uncertainty of gaining one's point. The Fair precaution themselves against indiscretions; they endeavor to snap a heart from their best female friend; they want to keep a train of lovers, or augment it without losing any by discontent: others are busied in preserving a reputation to which they have no right. All these aims are not without their respective anxieties for the success: and yet these anxieties are preferable with them to a dull insipid state of indifference, which composes to them a frightful void.
Is a synonymous term to love, commonly employed to avoid tautology, or raise a climax. Your sayers of fine things are very fond of this term; which, however, is very much descended into subaltern gallantry.
Confident to Juno, who kept Iö changed into a cow, for being one of the mistresses to Jupiter. He had an hundred eyes, and yet could not acquit himself of his charge with honour. Mercury found out the means to lay them all asleep. His name has been since given to all who are set as spies over women.
When an husband assumes that character, it is not only piquing his wife in honour to a trial of skill, but makes a sauce of the highest taste for a gallant, who might himself go to sleep over his intrigue, without such a difficulty to enliven it.
One of the gallantest poets of antiquity employs a whole elegy, to engage his mistress's husband to clap an Argus or two upon her, without which he declares to him plainly, that he will not do his drudgery for him; for that, as it was, he might as well be her husband, as to go to bed to her with so little let or impediment.
Your cautious mamma's [sic] are very often the dupes of the Argusses in petticoats, they plant round their daughters dear, and who often call the enemy that would not perhaps think of them, instead of guarding their charges from him.
Modified text:
Your cautious mamma's are very often the dupes of the Argusses in petticoats, they
place over their daughters dear, and who instead of being a
guard, are often a snare to the young lady
A Dictionary of Love (1777)
A Dictionary of Love (1795)
Do you reckon my assiduities for nothing? Means, Have not all my trifling and dangling after you convinced you of my passion? Have not I gone through the usual course of preliminaries? Have not I handed you into the boxes? squired you to the gardens? picked up your glove when you dropped it on purpose? gallanted your fan? and, in short, played over all the monkey tricks of a led-lover?
Modified text:
picked up your glove when you dropped it on purpose?
picked up your glove when you dropped it
on purpose
?
A Dictionary of Love (1777)
Modified text:
and, in short, played over all the little tricks of a
captivated lover?
A Dictionary of Love (1777)
A Dictionary of Love (1795)
The expert in gallantry never so much as mention these terrible words to a young adventurer of the fair sex: they are too alarming: but they generally employ some circumlocution; into which, however, they put the full value of the thing itself. But, if the fair-one consents, and keeps touch with her appointment, she is the fool; and if she returns without special reason to remember it, she has met with one.
Modified text:
…she has met with one …she has
met
with one
A Dictionary of Love (1777)
See Love
The lovers of these days, persuaded that a commerce of love with the fair is never more flourishing than when it is a free trade, look upon an attachment to one person as too hard a restriction to unload at one port, tho' a gale of desire should blow strongly towards another.
Long attachments, then, are now treated as tiresome and insipid: in short, matters are now so managed by consent of all parties, that there is no such thing as making a breach in constancy; since the whole of that old wall is entirely pulled down.
Omitted text:
Long attachments, then, are now treated as tiresome and insipid; in short,
matters are now so managed by consent of all parties, that there is no such thing as making a
breach in constancy; since the whole of that old wall is entirely pulled down.
A Dictionary of Love (1777)
A Dictionary of Love (1795)
A flattering term, and of great use to advance one's affairs: for, however versed a fine lady may be in the science of the love-language, it is hard for her to conceive, that, when applied to herself, it may not signify, as formerly it did, an assemblage of charms and perfections that constitutes a beauty. Thus, when a lover whines out, No! it is impossible to resist such attractions: This phrase, duly construed, imports, “If all the soft trash I have expended upon you is not yet able to touch you, I have a reserve-lunge, which you will, with all your cunning, be hardly able to parry; and this is it:— Then, attractions, charms, inchanting beauty, are let fly in a volley, and never fail of doing wonderful execution.
Variant spelling:
inchanting
enchanting
A Dictionary of Love (1777)
A Word of a great sound, and little meaning; used to express the discontent of a lover. How barbarous you are! signifies, “You surprize me; I did not expect such a long resistance: my pride begins to murmur at it.”
A common word to express a medley character of coxcomb and fop; one who makes dress his principal attention, under an utter impossibility of ever succeeding; as may be demonstrated by the following plain syllogism, of which the air of pedantry may be excused for the sake of its justice:
No fool can do anything well.
None but a fool will make dress the business of his life.
A fool therefore can never dress well.
And this is so strictly true in fact, that there never was, nor probably ever will be, a beau well-drest.
This advantage can only be attained by the man of sense: far above either the weakness of making a point of his dress, or that of neglecting, or even not consulting the proprieties of it, to his age, character, fortune or station.
Socrates called it a short-lived tyranny; Plato, the privilege of nature; Aristotle, one of the most precious gifts of nature; Theophrastus, a mute eloquence; Diogenes, the most forcible letter of recommendation; Carneades, a queen without soldiers; Theocritus, a serpent covered with flowers; Bion, a good that does not belong to the possessor, because it is impossible to give one's self beauty, or to preserve it. After this most scientific display of quotations, all bristled with Greek names, may be added the definition of a modern author, who calls it, a bait, that as often catches the fisher as the fish. The serpent took the beauty of Eve for his text, to cajole her to perdition, and succeeded. Now, has this method of that knowing-one not descended to posterity? insomuch that one of the best baits to catch a woman, is to persuade her that you are intimately persuaded of her beauty. Such is the powerful influence of this branch of flattery, that rarely does that woman refuse the man any thing, to whom she has been weak or vain enough to listen to his praises upon this chapter. On the other side, she never forgives those, who, she has reason to think, look on her as disagreeable, or ugly. In short, with women themselves, their first merit is that of beauty; which they would lay less stress upon, if they were to consider how short a time they have to enjoy it; and how long an one to be without it.
An author, without considering how arbitrary the idea of beauty is, has given the following detail of the capital points of it; in which every one will make what alteration his own taste may suggest to him.
Modified text:
After this most scientific display of quotations, all blazoned with
Greek names
A Dictionary of Love (1777)
A Dictionary of Love (1795)
Omitted text:
…if they were to consider how short a time they have to enjoy it; and
how long an one to be without it
A Dictionary of Love (1777)
A Dictionary of Love (1795)
Modified text:
Agentleman,without considering how arbitrary…
A Dictionary of Love (1777)
A Dictionary of Love (1795)
Modified text:
2. Middle stature.
3. Neither fat or lean.
4. The head well rounded—inclining rather to small than large.
5. Forehead white, smooth and open, neither flat nor prominent, but like the head
well-rounded.
6. The hair either bright, black or brown; not thin, but full and waving; and if it
fall in curls, the better.
7. The eyes black, chestnut, or blue; bright and lively.
8. The eyebrows well divided, rather full than thin; semicircular, and broader in
the middle than at the ends; of a neat turn but not formal.
9. Cheeks not wide but plump, with red and white, finely blended and to look firm
and soft.
10. The ears rather small than large; well peded and with a tinge of red.
11. The nose should be placed so as to divide the face in two equal parts of a
moderate size, streight and well squared; though sometimes a little rising in the middle
that is just perceiveable, may give a graceful look to it.
12. The mouth should be small, the lips not of equal thickness; they should be well
turned rather than gross; soft, even to the eye, and with a livid red in them..
13. The teeth middle sized, white, well ranged and even.
14. The chin of a moderate size; white, soft and agreeably rounded.
15. The neck white, streight, of a soft, easy, and flexible make, rather long than
short; less above and encreasing gently toward the shoulders; the whtieness and delicacy of
its skin should be continued, or rather go on improving to the bosom.
16. The skin in general white, properly tinged with red, with an apparent softness,
and a look of firmness and health on it.
17. The shoulders white, gently spread, and with a much softer appearance of
strength than in those of men.
18. The arm white, round, firm and soft; and particularly so from the elbow to the
hands.
19. The hand should unite insensibly with the arm—be long and delicate,
and the nervous parts be without hardness.
20. The fingers fine, long, round and soft; small and lessening towards the tips of
them, and the nails long, rounded at the ends, and pellnoid.
21. The bosom should be white and charming; and the breasts equal in roundness,
whiteness and firmness, neither too much elevated nor too much depressed; rising gently and
very distinctly separated.
22. The sides should be long, and the hips wider than the shoulders and go down
rounding and lessening gradually to the knee.
23. The knee should be even and well rounded; the legs streight but varied by a
proper rounding of the more fleshy part of them.
24. The feet finely turned, white and little.
25. A sweet breath.
26. An agreeable voice.
27. A shape noble, easy and disengaged.
28. A modest gait and deportment.
A Dictionary of Love (1777)
A Dictionary of Love (1795)
Though a lover seems to be an animal born for nothing but approving, he may sometimes take the liberty to blame her for her cruelty. The meaning of which is, that though his mistress may have great merit, he on his side has his share; and that she is very much in the wrong to hold out against it.
Modified text:
and that she is very much in the wrong not to remember it
A Dictionary of Love (1777)
A Dictionary of Love (1795)
Excuse my boldness: This, when said in the instant of snatching small favours, means, “I am sounding the channel, to see how you will take small liberties: if you excuse this, I shall have room, I hope, to proceed to greater.”
There are few women who would not sooner forgive an excess of boldness, than an excess of timidity
Added text:
There are few women who would not sooner forgive an excess of boldness∗, than an
excess of timidity. (∗Let every young girl judge well, however, of the nature
of that boldness which she is said to be so ready to forgive)
A Dictionary of Love (1777)
A Dictionary of Love (1795)
In times of yore, a lover was in heaven, if he could obtain a bracelet of his mistress's hair. An Infanta never granted her Knight this favor, till he had cleaved half a dozen giants in two, and killed as many dragons. Those times are over. At present, Love is a carpet road, in which the journey is performed much quicker, and without those dangers of broken bones.
There are occasions in which this method succeeds, when fear and awe are ridiculous; as every thing is that is mis-timed or mis-placed.
Machiavel, the prince of politicians, gives the lover a cue in his lesson to them. “It is better, says he, to sin through too much vivacity, than too much timidity: Fortune is a woman, and requires a brisk attack. She grants victory oftener to rash, impetuous characters, than to the cold and circumspect. Hence it is, that this goddess, like women, (N.B. His whole comparison turns upon this principle) is more favourable to the young, because they have more fire, and daring, than those of a more advanced age.”
It is also generally kindly taken by the women, that a man should afford them the excuse of saying, “I could not help it. I was surprized.” Thus, a well-timed agreeable violence may save at once their honour and their delicacy.
The Fair will forgive the detail of these maxims, for the sake of the instruction they convey of their danger, that they may avoid the application.
A brown, or olive beauty. A Brunette. See Fair
Though the author of the TREATISE on the Passions, says, that they dispute about the pre-eminence of the brown and fair was first broached by voluptuaries; and that it is not precisely black, or blue eyes, that form the favourable distinction: yet the connoisseurs in general decide for the Cleopatra-stile of beauty, the brown, as the most poignant in love; preferring the mildened luster of a fine evening to the glare of the meridian sun.
Omitted text:
A brunette. See Fair
A Dictionary of Love (1777)
A Dictionary of Love (1795)
Variant spelling:
preeminence | preheminence
A Dictionary of Love (1777)
A Dictionary of Love (1795)
An obsolete metaphor, formerly used to express the violence of one's desires. I burn for you, has now an ill grace even in poetry: and as to any meaning, it is scarce of more significance than talking to a woman of the weather, or the like.
BUT if this should be known. BUT if you should be unconstant. All these Buts are nothing less than invincible objections. She has already surrendered, who makes any doubt about her surrendering.
The woman that deliberates is lost.
Added text:
∗The woman who deliberates is lost. (∗ A very important
truth.
A Dictionary of Love (1777)
The state of an heart without a passion. Whatever praises women may give to this tranquility, it is a thousand times more insupportable to them, than all the anxieties of love. Whenever, then, they talk in this manner, I admire the calm of a disengaged heart, this means, “Custom has absolutely forbid our sex to complain of having no lovers: it is confessing too many disagreeable things, and almost equal to owning that one has no merit. What is to be done then? dissemble.”
After having once loved, a calm is yet more odious; and indifference, at best, an isipid, uncomfortable state. To get out of it, there is nothing like spreading one's sails to a fresh breeze, though it should blow from another quarter.
Omitted text:
After having once loved, a calm is yet more odious; and indifference, at best, an isipid,
uncomfortable state. To get out of it, there is nothing like spreading one's sails to
a fresh breeze, though it should blow from another quarter.
A Dictionary of Love (1777)
A Dictionary of Love (1795)
Fashion, taste, and women, are generally under the mis-rule of this fantastic power. Some beauties, indeed, employ it politically in love, to attach their lover the stronger, by shewing him, that if he does not employ all his attention to keep her fixed, she may give him the slip, before he is aware of a reason for it.
It is only for the young and handsome to dare to be capricious. That is forgiven to them, for which those who want those titles to play the fool, can only expect ridicule and contempt.
Omitted text:
It is only for the young and handsome to dare to be capricious. That is forgiven to
them, for which those who want those titles to play the fool, can only expect ridicule and
contempt.
A Dictionary of Love (1777)
A Dictionary of Love (1795)
A poetical word. My heart can never break your chains, means no more, than that, “I shall always love you.”
In the mouth of a young fellow to an old lady dowager, I cannot break my chains, the English of it is, “I am not such a fool as to break my bank.”
It is good policy sometimes in a woman to relax and extend the chains of her lover; the more she will secure her captive. He would snap too short a chain, who would never dream of breaking a sufficiently long one.
Omitted text:
In the mouth of a young fellow to an old lady dowager, I cannot break my chains, the
English of it is, “I am not such a fool as to break my bank.”
A Dictionary of Love (1777)
A Dictionary of Love (1795)
A lover assures that he will never change: sometimes too he even believes it: nor is change always the effect of a premeditated inconstancy. Distaste may come on one, without one's own permission. A lover who makes protestations and vows of constancy, may perhaps mean what he says; but he says what is often not in nature, and assuredly what is not in his power to keep.
I will never change, may also be understood with the mental reservation of, “I am in the disposition to pass my time agreeably, no matter at whose expence: and this disposition I find so convenient I shall hardly every change it.”
Too quick a change to fondness in a wife who has married a husband, to whom she had given signs of dislike before marriage, creates an ugly suspicion of the motive's being something she has found so much to her taste, that she may say to herself is to be found in others, besides him.
Modified text:
permission | seeking
A Dictionary of Love (1777)
A Dictionary of Love (1795)
Omitted text:
I will never change, may also be understood with the mental reservation of,
“I am in the disposition to pass my time agreeably, no matter at whose expence: and
this disposition I find so convenient I shall hardly every change it.”
A Dictionary of Love (1777)
A Dictionary of Love (1795)
An harmonious word, rather hackneyed; indifferently lavished; and signifies no more than attractions.
The solid, substantial charms, in these times, are those in Lombard-street; or, to use Sir Tunbelly's phrase, those which are stitched to the charmer's tail, whether bags, bills, bonds, parchments, &c.
The action of the mind, that determines it to one object sooner than to another. Admitting this definition, it follows,
1st, That in love, there is no such thing as choice, the mind not being a free agent enough; and passively receiving its impressions, without the power to reject them.
2dly, Supposing even a free-agency in the mind, it is yet liable to mistake grievously in its choice, especially when in an hurry to choose. All lovers have much the same air, equally submissive, equally complaisant, equally lavish of oaths of fidelity, and all formed upon the same model: so that the preference given to the happy man, is but too often the effect of some unaccountable fancy or circumstance. Caprice, then, and chance, choose a hundred times, at least, for once of judgment; so that choice is but seldom matter of vanity on either side.
Omitted text:
…is but too often the effect of some unaccountable fancy or
circumstance.Caprice, then, and chance, choose a hundred times, at least, for once of
judgment; so that choice is but seldom matter of vanity on either side.
A Dictionary of Love (1777)
A Dictionary of Love (1795)
Modified text:
First That in love…
A Dictionary of Love (1787)
Modified text:
Second Supposing even …
A Dictionary of Love (1787)
How long will you make me languish for a confession that you love me? This, to a coquette, signifies, “I have, methinks, gone through all the forms which usually bring matters to a conclusion: I have fooled away time enough about you: I being to be tired, and want to be at a point.”
To a novice, it means, “I see my happiness hangs but on a thread of modesty, ready to snap: you are reduced; and all I want of you is to tell me so, that we may lose no more time.”
Communication of Thoughts, and Secrets in Love.
Confidents are perhaps as necessary, in this passion, as those led-captains, the confidents, in a tragedy. Vanity, impatience of a secret, and sometimes convenience, dispose the heart to openness, and are often inevitable snares to the most wary and reserved. Confidence is often a seasoning the more to a true love-passion.
A confidante-maid, who does not abuse her mistress's confidence, is a miracle for rarity.
Added text:
Additional text: A confidante-maid, who does not abuse her
mistress's confidence, is a miracle for rarity∗. (∗ An important
hint to young women not to have any female confident in love affairs
A Dictionary of Love (1777)
A Dictionary of Love (1795)
This pompous term is made use of to express the homage of desire extorted by its object. This metaphor is very just; for no hero could be vainer of the number of provinces he could conquer, than the Fair are of that of their lovers.
The arms they employ are, beauty, natural or artificial; the artillery of the eyes; engaging looks; smiles, airs, graces, and all the powerful auxiliaries of dress. A general shall sometimes be less embarrassed in marshalling an army of twenty thousand men, than a lady in posting a patch, sticking a pin, or placing a ribbon or flower. What a preparation do they make to set their caps, and looks, before they go upon an attack! Two lady's gentlewomen, an humble female friend, and a fop privileged for his insignificance, are not, with all their untied skill, sufficient to determine the pinning of a gown, upon a grand occasion. The toilette is the council-board of war; the Mall, the side-boxes, Ranelagh, Vauxhal, &c. the field of battle : and, as, in such a momentous concern, one should neglect no means that human prudence may suggest, one goes flanked with some frightful toad-eater, in a view of shining from the contrast. But it would engage one in an endless detail, to enumerate all the stratagems and machinery they employ. Archimedes was a bungler to them. Such a subject would require an express Treatise on the art military of the ladies.
It unhappily however too often falls out, that from judging of their conquests, more by number than weight, they are dishonoured by their success, and disgraced by their list.
Sometimes their plans of conquest end in being themselves conquered.
Some are even illustrated by their defeat, who like some barbarous countries would never have been known, but for the name of the conqueror who designed to subdue them.
Others, with worse fate, submit to those cruel conquerors, who treat them like provinces reduced; and which they rather transiently ravage, than care to keep possession of them.
Omitted text:
…sticking a pin, or placing a ribbon or flower!
A Dictionary of Love (1777)
A Dictionary of Love (1795)
Omitted text:
… before they go upon an attack Two lady's gentlewomen, an humble
female friend, and a fop privileged for his insignificance, are not, with all their untied
skill, sufficient to determine the pinning of a gown, upon a grand occasion.
A Dictionary of Love (1777)
A Dictionary of Love (1795)
Modified text:
…some frightfulhag, perhaps with a view of striking by the
contrast
A Dictionary of Love (1777)
A Dictionary of Love (1795)
Omitted text:
…they rather transiently ravage, than care to keep posession of
them
A Dictionary of Love (1777)
A Dictionary of Love (1795)
According to the most expert judges of gallantry, is a chimæra, a phantom; sounds well in verse, and figures prettily enough in a declaration of love. But those who know any thing of the value of terms in this language, lay no great stress upon it. A mistress, who talks of constancy to a lover, intimates that she is on the point of surrender; and this a word in course of capitulation. It is then a lover may risk every thing, or rather risk nothing. Safe is the word.
Constancy too is often only another word for indolence; and a man sticks to his old mistress, to avoid the trouble and risk of changing; as some stay in the country, where they have been tired all their lives, purely out of aversion to the fatigue and embarrassment of coming to town.
Omitted text:
…lay no great stress upon it. A mistress, who talks of constancy to a
lover, intimates that she is on the point of surrender; and this a word in course of
capitulation. It is then a lover may risk every thing, or rather risk nothing. Safe is the
word.
A Dictionary of Love (1777)
A Dictionary of Love (1795)
Love endures none: it dies the minute it feels it. A necessity of loving, or living together as if one did, produces precisely and inevitably the contrary.
Freedom is the very life-hold of pleasure; the moment it becomes a duty, it loses its name, and becomes and oppression.
In love, has a more extensive signification than it seems to have; not that by conversation must be understood that time lost, in which wit evaporates in long dissertations upon esteem, delicacy, respect, and splitting of hairs upon sentiments. Even romances are purged from these conversations, that rendered them so long and so tedious. All lovers have now the same way of thinking as the princess Isenghuion, a Spanish lady, who reading the discourses of two of these romantic lovers, said, To what purpose all this stuff, when they are alone? In short, conversation now oftenest signifies, the disclosure towards the end of the last act. There is nothing more dangerous than these moments of conversation.
One who wants to engage the men without engaging herself; whose chief aim is to be thought agreeable, handsome, amiable; though a composition of levity and vanity.
She resembles a fire-eater, who makes a show of handling, and even chewing live coals, without receiving any damage from the fire. But, whatever may be their pretended insensibility, they have their critical moments as well as others, in which they are said to give more pleasure, as prudes do more glory, in the reduction of them.
A gay, smiling one, in a coquette, signifies encouragement: that she would be glad to list as many lovers as possible: that she would wish to see the men sacrifice her best friends to her; and that she keeps open a refuge for all deserters. That nothing but joy and mirth are to be found in her service; and that not to be in love with her, is to be one's own enemy, and defrauding one's self of the pleasures of gaiety and unreserve.
A cold, serious countenance, in a mistress is an admirable expedient, when artfully employed. It leads to every thing, either a reconciliation or a rupture, just as she shall see fit. After a quarrel, it signifies that she will keep up the dignity of her sex, and give herself the pleasure of hearing her lover make new protestations. If this does not succeed, she may put on a tender countenance: but in this, the occasion, the humour of her lover, or her own passion, generally determines the difference.
Is a term of such extensive comprehension, that it takes in near the whole race of mankind, from the throne to the peasant's cottage. All ranks, all orders of men, are liable more or less, to that vanity, which is its fundamental, and only varies in its signs of eruption.
There are coxcomb-kings, coxcomb-judges, coxcomb-physicians, coxcomb men of letters, coxcomb men of business; even professions have their peculiar distinctions of coxcombry. The gravity of an apothecary, who carries his profession printed in his face, is not less a symptom of coxcombry, than a hat and feather in a declared beau.— Mr. Addison even thought no fine gentleman could exist without a dash of the coxcomb. My Lord Rochester says, that it is a character not to be acquired but by much pains and reflection; that, in short, God never made a coxcomb worth a groat. The women in general are so fond of this character, that, however they snuff at the title, the attributes of it are the principal means of succeeding with them. An intrepid, self-assured coxcomb, who is called so to-day, passes to-morrow for a pretty fellow with them; on no better grounds than having kept inflexibility to it, and beat them at their own weapons of pride and insolence. The lady is vain; so is the coxcomb: she affects to despise him; he disdains to dangle after her. One would think these were no promising dispositions to come to a good understanding. But, let them alone, and it will happen to them, as to two persons, who, taking different ways to walk round a garden, being by turning their back to one another, and are sure to meet again in their circuit.
Omitted text:
All ranks, all orders of men, are liable more or less, to that vanity, which is
its fundamental, and only varies in its signs of eruption. There are coxcomb-kings,
coxcomb-judges, coxcomb-physicians, coxcomb men of letters, coxcomb men of business; even
professions have their peculiar distinctions of coxcombry.
A Dictionary of Love (1777)
A Dictionary of Love (1795)
These minutes are not less decisive in love than in war; and in both it is of the greatest importance to seize them: once missed, they seldom return.
In the mouth of a lover, who understands the love-language, Is there no seeing you for a minute? signifies, “Am I never to obtain one of those delicious quarters of an hour in which love gets uppermost, when reason leave the field to it, and virtue takes a nap? Shall I never hear the critical minute strike?”
This expression does not so much signify the insensibility of a mistress, as the impatience of a lover.
See Barbarous
Some of these cruel women resemble the nymphs in Ausonius, who set out with threatening Cupid to put him to death with the severest tortures, and soften their cruelty so far as only to whip him with roses.
Omitted text:
See Barbarous
A Dictionary of Love (1795)
Is one who gives much, and receives at most the appearances of love in return. Their tribe is very numerous: the chief divisions of them are,
The marrying-cully, and the keeping-cully. The first is used as a cloak: the second, like an orange, squeezed of its juice, and thrown away.
Omitted text:
Entry omitted. A Dictionary of Love (1777)
A Dictionary of Love (1795)
The god of love; born out of the poets brains, who paint him a child with wings, a quiver on his shoulder, a bow in one hand, a torch in the other, and a bandage over his eyes. All which emblematically signify, that he is figured like a child, because those who deliver themselves up to love, part with their reason for the silliness of that age. His bow and arrows denote his power to wound, and pierce; the bandage over his eyes, his blindness; the torch, a light he carries for others, and not himself; his wings, his inconstancy.
This allegorical personage is, however, entirely banished from prose, and is even scarce suffered in the modern Parnassus, in any such thing above a ballad to lovely Sue, at the head of which one may still see a wooden cut of his figure.
I hope you will cure the wounds you have made; a hackney'd phrase, and means, “You have raised desires which I expect you have too much good-nature to disappoint, and that you will restore me to the quiet you have destroyed, tho' it should be at the expence of your own.”
Variant spelling:
tho' | though
A Dictionary of Love (1777)
A Dictionary of Love (1795)
Omitted text:
To Cure
A Dictionary of Love (1795)
A desire of knowing whether one's wife or mistress is true to one. It is never a happy one. The author of Don Quixot has there inserted a novel, called, The curious impertinent, in confirmation of this assertion. He compares women in it to a glass, which no wise man will dash against the pavement to see whether it will break or not. Have you any doubts of a woman's faith, never seek to satisfy them; the least it will cost your, is the repentance of your curiosity. It is wakeing the sleeping lion: a woman may resent an unjust suspicion, and revenge it by giving it a foundation in fact. Distrust absolves faith.
Omitted text:
It is wakeing the sleeping lion: a woman may resent an unjust suspicion, and revenge it by
giving it a foundation in fact. Distrust absolves faith.
A Dictionary of Love (1777)
A Dictionary of Love (1795)
An insipid tribe of triflers, with whom the women divert themselves, in perfect innocence, when they have nothing better to do. They are in a class of being beneath their monkeys, parrots and lap-dogs.
This word is ever to be understood metaphorically, and carries no sort of terror with it. It is even so staled, that it now goes for nothing.
The death of a lover is so much in course, that it is as inevitable as in nature: for if the fair is kind, he is to die with joy; if otherwise, of grief: and both equally.
Your cruelty will make me die; signifies, “I have employ'd flames, darts, despair, &c. to persuade you: and now have nothing left by death to pin the basket.”
A living death I die.
Do you wish to see me die? may also mean figuratively, “Do you wish that the lover in should die to you? I am weary of spending so much nonsense, and advancing so little: there are other women in the world. If you do not capitulate soon, I must raise the siege.”
Omitted text:
A living death I die. Do you wish to see me die? may also mean figuratively,
“Do you wish that the lover in should die to you? I am weary of spending so much
nonsense, and advancing so little: there are other women in the world. If you do not
capitulate soon, I must faise the siege.”
A Dictionary of Love (1777)
A Dictionary of Love (1795)
You deceive me; in a lady's mouth, one would imagine, signifies, “I know you deceive me”, and only means to exact assurances to the contrary.
You say you love me, but I do not know how to trust you; I am afraid you deceive me. This is as much as to say, “I believe you but too much: but it is the custom, in such cases, to make objections: a conquest would appear too easy without them: let me have then some ardent protestations: turn my head: deceive me. I desire no better. I do not want to examine too scrupulously into the credit due to you: I wish your sincerity too much to plague myself with the doubt of it: all I want is the excuse of your vows and assurances, if but for form-sake.”
There are two powerful reasons for this interpretation.
A word that wants little or no definition. There are several sorts of declarations, and differently made by word of mouth; by writing, in verse or in prose. But where nothing is more intended than an occasional scheme of pleasure, there is none of more efficacy, or more compendious, than a purse, a bank bill or a settlement.
It happens sometimes, that a lady not thoroughly versed in the love-language, and the value of its terms, may mistake, for a declaration, what is no more than a compliment, especially from a man she likes. Prudes, and women not so handsome as one would wish, are apt to fall into this error; and are not always extremely pleased to find it one.
Added text:
Additional text: ∗Prudes, and women not so handsome as
one would wish… (∗ A mistake not at all uncommon)
A Dictionary of Love (1777)
A Dictionary of Love (1795)
There are several sorts of defences against the attacks of a lover. A cool, disdainful one is the best: a passionate one can only awe a novice; and rather emboldens an experienced engineer, who then proceeds safely upon that maxim, that so much emotion supposes heat; and that no man will ever be thoroughly well with his mistress, till he has done something to make her angry with him.
The weak defence of a fair-one who resists faintly, and coys it attractingly, is such a plain cue to a lover, that not to laugh at her resistance, would be insulting her, and deserving its conversion into a real one.
Too much depending on a future defence, has often ruinously led women into the danger of not dreading the attack. They flatter themselves with having sufficient forces to repel any bold invasion, never considering that reason is often a treacherous pilot, that deserts his charge in the midst of its danger; and that when one feels the want of a defence, it is often too late to begin it.
Added text:
Additional text: …and that when one feels the want of
a defence, it is often too late to begin it∗. (∗Not more frequent
than true.)
A Dictionary of Love (1777)
A Dictionary of Love (1795)
I love you with delicacy. There is no positive, determinate sense for this phrase: it probably signifies no more than the art of employing a word of a pretty sound that flatters the ear.
This expression is sometimes used to elude, or parry a hint of marriage. Thus, “I have too much delicacy to draw you headlong into an engagement, till things are better settled: it would be making you unhappy.” The English of this is, that the sly dealer knows very well, that gaining time is gaining every thing: that this is a plausible excuse for a delay, from which he proposes, without alarming her caution, to accomplish his ends: and this retrenchment behind his imaginary delicacy, means only that he is very willing to make her his mistress, but very loath to make her his wife.
A wish of possessing the object beloved. A lover, without such a desire, is an imaginary being, and if even existing in nature, an insipid one.
Desires then are not only the lifehold of love, which is sure to die with them, but the very power of it. They mark out the lodging.
Omitted text:
Desires then are not only the lifehold of love, which is sure to die with them, but the
very power of it. They mark out the lodging.
A Dictionary of Love (1777)
A Dictionary of Love (1795)
Driving to despair, formerly signified reducing a person to the last extremity, sending him to hang or drown himself. It has now no such terrible signification.
You drive me to despair, in the mouth of a lover, signifies simply, “things do not go on so smooth as I could wish; since I must despair of obtaining any thing to day, I must adjourn my operations to a better season; and, in the mean time, go and amuse my time elsewhere as agreeably as I may.”
Modified text:
“…and amuse my time elsewhere as agreeably as I
can”
A Dictionary of Love (1787)
They are the zest of a passion, that would often flatten, languish, and die without them. They are like hills, and tufts of trees, interspersed in a country, that interrupt the prospect, only to make it the more agreeable.
To be discreet, reserved in one's actions and words, is a virtue now rarely practiced. The lovers of former times, used to complain loudly of the rigours of their mistresses, and kept a religious silence as to their favours. That system is now reversed: Vanity makes them very sure to keep the secret of their refusal, and to publish with pleasure all the favours they receive. Sooner than burst with a retention of them, they would have recourse to the invention of Midas's barber. But lovers, who know full well that a character of indiscretion is a great obstacle to their successes with the Fair, take special care to quiet any scruple upon that head
I am discreet. The true meaning of this phrase is: “It is not my game that you should have any doubts of my discretion; this is then to remove that obstruction, as far as words may do it; reserving, however, to myself the relief of giving broad hints of the favours you shall have granted me; and I will recommend such particular secrecy to some of my friends, over a bottle, that you will not have much to fear upon that head.”
Omitted text:
I am discreet. The true meaning of this phrase is: “It is not my game that
you should have any doubts of my discretion; this is then to remove that obstruction, as far
as words may do it; reserving, however, to myself the relief of giving broad hints of the
favours you shall have granted me; and I will recommend such particular secrecy to some of my
friends, over a bottle, that you will not have much to fear upon that
head.”
A Dictionary of Love (1777)
A Dictionary of Love (1795)
A disdainful air may be supportable, and even become a beauty, on proper occasions for it: but it is terribly ridiculous when there is no call for it, or when employed as a grimace, by a woman who does not deserve the honour of a provocation to it.
I love you to distraction; signifies about as much as the superlative employed in concluding a letter: that is to say, nothing at all.
A general term, which comprehends all the ornaments employed to set off one's person. There is no giving all the points of it here: that would require a dictionary apart; and then it would be like hedging the cuckoo: for the fashions are so fleeting, and the terms so changeable, that before the impression was worked off, the old ones would be of no significance. It may however be remarked, that nothing is more studied, nor less understood, in general, than dress: most of its professors, in both sexes, being liable to such grievous mistakes in it, that the very points in it they affect the most, are precisely those that the most expose their defects, and render them the most ridiculous. A high mall, a birth-day, the side-boxes, assemblies, all subscribe thousands of examples in support of this observation. The wrong-drest and the over-drest, every where offend the eye, whilst it is a miracle to see one drest with that propriety in which elegance alone consists.
The women are however grosly deceived, if they think that diamonds, jewels, embroidery, impose on any, but such as are not worth imposing on. Others easily abstract from ornaments the real figure; and, in scorn of the attempted deception, reduce it perhaps beneath the value it might bear without them.
It is also vain to seek to modernize an antient face with paint, patches, washes, and the like. They are only a vain representation, or unlucky remembrances of what ought to be there. There is no plaistering can ever cover, or obliterate, the monumental inscription of wrinkles, graved by the hard hand of time.
The glare of jewels, especially, extorts an attention to a person, rather pointed out than embellished by them, for which the eyes are not very thankful, when thus forcibly drawn to fix on a disagreeable accompaniment.
Omitted text:
The glare of jewels, especially, extorts an attention to a person, rather pointed out
than embellished by them, for which the eyes are not very thankful, when thus forcibly drawn
to fix on a disagreeable accompaniment.
A Dictionary of Love (1777)
A Dictionary of Love (1795)
The obligation of doing a thing, either by law, necessity, or decency. Generally speaking, duty is a clog, for which most people have more respect in profession than in practice, and conveys an idea of subjection, to which love has naturally an antipathy.
A woman that says, she will love from duty, where her inclination has not given its consent, either deceives herself or others. That pliancy of the heart is not very conceivable, and it is dangerous to trust it. It would not be hard to demonstrate the moral and physical impossibility of this fine resolution.
Me! do anything against my duty? says a fair-one: this is a shield often opposed to the attacks of a lover; but a shield rarely impenetrable to any but a novice. A woman who makes her duty a plea, is not long before she deserts it: it is a sort of capitulation. It is but too often faintly pronounced, and ill-supported, and enters into a plan of resistance, only to raise the merit of the sacrifice of it to an enterprizing lover, who is not the dupe of its sound.